Administrator's Note:Today's post represents a milestone for this blog as it is the first non-human composition to grace these pages. The author, Danny, is apparently a cute little dog. I might be wrong, but I think he's a Bichon Frise, although he might just as easily be a mix breed or even an Ewok in a collar.
Anyway, the dog's owner is a respected author with a new book out that's performing very well on Amazon. It's a 100,000 word historical adventure tale called Molly Lee. I'll let you know what it's about in a few seconds, and then we'll let the author, Andrew Joyce, have a few words before Danny takes over. Here's the book's description:
Molly is about to set off on
the adventure of a lifetime . . . of two lifetimes.Molly is so enamored with Huck, she wants to run away with him. But Huck has other plans and is gone the next morning before she awakens. Thus starts a sequence of events that leads Molly into adventure after adventure; most of them not so nice.
We follow the travails of Molly Lee, starting when she is eighteen and ending when she is fifty-six. Even then Life has one more surprise in store for her.
My name is Andrew Joyce and I write books for a
living. Dave has been kind enough to allow me a little space on his blog to
promote my latest book, MOLLY LEE. It’s averaging 4.9 stars
on Amazon and for the next few days it will be priced at 0.99 cents. It is also
available in paperback. Please check it out. Here’s the link . . . http://geni.us/molly
I would love to tell you all about it, but
instead, I have to turn the writing duties over to my dog whose name is Danny.
You see, he can be pretty insistent at times. We recently had some excitement
in our lives and he can’t wait to tell you about it. For what it’s worth, this
is a true story. And when you are finished reading it, please click on the link
to my book and check it out. Danny is not the only genius in our household.
Danny and the Three Monsters
Hello dog fans, it is I, Danny the Dog! I haven’t
been writing much lately because I’ve been helping my human, whose name is
Andrew, look after three Labrador retrievers. What a nightmare! There is Chloe,
who is fourteen months old, and then there is Beau and Hank. They are both four
months old and they are holy terrors. They live on a boat down at the end of
the dock. Their human was going out of town and he asked my human to look after
them and Andrew, being the idiot that he is, said yes.
First of all, I want to say to Jeff, the human
that lives with the three monsters, don’t ever leave them in Andrew’s care
again. I wouldn’t trust him to look after a taco, much less three dogs.
The trouble started right away. Jeff had two
crates (humans call them crates; I call them cages) for Beau and Hank because,
as I’ve said, they are holy terrors. Andrew went over to take them for their
first walk after Jeff left, and of course, he has to take me along to help out.
Anyway, Andrew gets them out of the crates and is getting them off the boat
when clumsy Hank falls into the water.
Let me paint the picture for you. It was
nighttime. It was dark. The water was dark and Hank is black. Andrew and I
could see nothing of Hank. We could only hear him splashing around. The dock is
about five feet above the water so Andrew couldn’t get him out by standing on
the dock. Being the genius that he is (just kidding), Andrew got on the
swim platform, which—for you landlubbers—is attached to the back of a boat and is
only a foot above the water.
Now this is where Andrew’s “genius” comes into
play. He took off his glasses and placed them on the transom so they wouldn’t
slip off while he was bending over to pull Hank out of the water. He called to
Hank. Hank swam over and Andrew got him onto the boat. Then Andrew went to get
his glasses and they were not there or anywhere else on the boat. It looked as
though Beau knocked them into the water because he had his paws up in that
general vicinity while he was watching Andrew rescue his brother (they’re
twins). All this in the first five minutes of Andrew looking after the
monsters. And it only got better, and by better, I mean worse. I had a ball
watching Andrew trying to cope for four days.
On to the next disaster, but first a side note.
For some reason Beau is enthralled with me. The damn dog wouldn’t leave me
alone. He put his snoot in my face, ran around me, bounced around me; he was a
royal pain in my rear end. Finally, I had to growl at him and give him a little
nip on his snoot to get some peace.
Now back to Andrew’s genius. We got the dogs back
on the boat without further mishaps. Andrew fed them and all was well. But then
Andrew decided not to put Hank and Beau in their crates. He felt sorry for them
being cooped up like that. Big mistake!
The next morning when we went to get them, there
was poop everywhere. The whole floor was covered in it. The babies had gotten
into the dog food bag, ripped it open and ate it all. Then they pooped
everywhere and walked in it. They got it on the couch, on the sliding glass
doors, on everything. I think even on the ceiling. Needless to say, after
spending two hours cleaning it all up, Andrew changed his mind about the
crates.
Last night we were hanging out. Andrew was staring
into space because he did not have his glasses and could not read a book or see
the computer screen. I was on the computer starting this story when Chloe came
onto our boat. She’s always coming here and stealing my water bowl! To date,
she has taken five. But she should have been locked up on her own boat! Andrew
got up, looked out, saw Jeff, and said, “Thank God! Thank God!” I barked
the same thing. Our days of taking care of the monsters were over. Thank God!
P.S. This morning Jeff came over with Andrew’s
glasses. Beau had taken them and hidden them in his stash place. And by the
way, I have my own Facebook page and it’s a lot cooler than Andrew’s. Here’s a
link: http://geni.us/dannythedog
You can find more about Andrew's other book, Redemption: The Further Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn, here.
No comments:
Post a Comment